Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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