dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
