i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
