Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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