Need sex. Gaining weight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
