It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
