Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
