I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
