my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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