No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
