There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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