It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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