my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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