I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
