hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
is wine microwaveable?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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