Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
