Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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