I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
