I can tuck mytits in my pants
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
sex in a hospital.. check
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
