there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
