I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
