I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
