lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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