hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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