I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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