hotel room ftw
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
