I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
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I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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