i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
