its not stalking. its research.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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