my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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