Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
