We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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