there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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