it hurts more in the daytime
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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