I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
