Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
nutella sex= disaster
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Im part way to drunk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
