i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
