And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He has the fingertips of a God
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
