Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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