Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
