you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
