getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
