Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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