He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
