Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
