How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
