I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
