Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
