Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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