yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
