my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
