I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
