I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
