Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just invented taco cereal.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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