My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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