Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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