We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
