How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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