i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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