I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
