I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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