yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
