Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
