I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
