And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
