i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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