Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
