my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i came on her dog
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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