Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How naked do you want me to be?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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