Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
