Porn is love you can see.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
