i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
